Have you ever found yourself drinking to numb feelings out, believing it’s the only way to cope? For Kari, alcohol wasn’t just a social habit—it was a shield against pain, loss, and heartbreak. From childhood memories of family gatherings filled with laughter and liquor to a devastating marriage and personal struggles, her story shows how easily drinking to escape can take root. But it also reveals the incredible transformation that’s possible when you choose to face life—and every feeling—head-on.
Trigger Warning: This post contains descriptions of domestic violence, suicide attempts, and addiction that may be disturbing to some readers.

My Early Perceptions of Alcohol
Growing up, alcohol was simply a part of life. My parents drank regularly, and it genuinely seemed like they needed it to have a good time, whether it was a casual get-together or a big celebration. This constant exposure shaped my early understanding of alcohol—it was tied to fun, relaxation, and socializing. It’s what everyone did. So, naturally, I didn’t really question it. It was just the norm, and I honestly believed that this was how adults enjoyed themselves. Looking back, it’s clear how deeply ingrained this idea became. I never imagined that my relationship with alcohol would become anything other than the casual, controlled experience I witnessed around me. I can honestly say I usually had control over it, and so did they, until I didn’t.
The Shift and the Need to Numb
As I got older and became more aware of alcohol’s role in my own life, my feelings about it weren’t exactly positive. I actually didn’t like the idea of it very much. Funnily enough, I was always the one who declared, with absolute certainty, that I would never have a problem with drinking. Never. It’s almost ironic now, considering where I ended up. It wasn’t until a significant traumatic event rocked my world that everything changed. A surgery that made alcohol process faster in my system combined with a contentious marriage led to a perfect storm. I was completely unprepared to handle the emotional fallout. The pain was overwhelming, and instinctively, I reached for the quickest way I knew to escape it. That’s when I started drinking to numb. It wasn’t about socializing or fun anymore; it was about silencing the noise inside my head, about not having to feel the unbearable weight of what had happened. I tried so many times to drink less, to not drink at all, to just have two, or only on weekends. It was exhausting.
The Descent into Problem Drinking
The real turning point came during my marriage to my ex-husband. It was a period marked by both physical and emotional abuse, and I honestly felt trapped, like there was no way out. Eventually, a major fight occurred that led to his arrest for domestic violence. This event triggered a cascade of life-altering consequences. He was forced to resign from his CEO position, and suddenly, my life felt like a dramatic and terrifying soap opera. The chaos escalated when he attempted suicide and was subsequently shot by the police, eventually leading to a two-year prison sentence. Through all of this turmoil, my drinking escalated. It became my constant companion, the one thing I thought could offer some relief from the unending stress and pain. The need to numb everything became stronger than any of my previous convictions about alcohol. I had so many regrets. So many blackouts and things I wish I remembered. The damaged relationships with my kids, family, and friends still hurts the most.

Your Path Starts Here
Nothing worked for Kari until she found The Path. Let the science and compassion inside The Path show you why emotion-based change changes everything. Kari is no longer drinking to numb feelings out because she actually wants to feel things now. Make that same change in your life with The Path!
Failed Attempts and New Beginnings
Over the years, I tried everything I could think of to control my drinking. I experimented with moderation. Setting strict rules for myself about when and how much I could drink. I attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and Celebrate Recovery programs, desperately seeking a way out. I even went through outpatient rehabilitation. But no matter what I tried, I couldn’t force myself to quit. Deep down, I think a part of me didn’t truly want to, or perhaps I didn’t believe I could. What I eventually realized was that the desire to change had to come from within me. I needed to genuinely want to stop drinking to numb the constant emotional pain. And, just as importantly, I needed someone to believe in my ability to do so, even when I doubted myself. That’s when I found Annie Grace’s programs. Discovering This Naked Mind’s books, programs like The Alcohol Experiment and The PATH, attending virtual events, and listening to the podcast truly changed my life.
A Year of Healing and Change
It was like a weight had been lifted. I began to release the deep-seated shame and guilt that had been fueling my drinking. The programs helped me to re-examine and change the negative stories I had been telling myself for so long, creating new neural pathways in my brain. Beyond the resources themselves, I found an incredible family of support within the community. I also had the support of my coach and friend, Bill Masters, who saw me through a lot. I’ll never forget the day he said, “Kari, you’re a God damn queen! Start acting like it.” Something finally clicked. I was done with the self-sabotage and playing small. I’m not a victim, I’m a queen!
This past year has undoubtedly been one of the most challenging, yet, one of the best years of my life. I can’t believe I’m writing this—I never thought I’d get here. My mom faced some serious health issues—I’m eternally grateful she’s still here. I also went through a really painful heartbreak after my drinking ruined a relationship I thought would last forever. On top of that, there was a relentless roller coaster of other issues—moving, the strangeness of an empty nest, having to rehome my beloved dogs, funerals, and weddings. Honestly, if I can make it through all of that this year without turning to alcohol, I truly believe I can handle anything life throws my way.

Embracing a Sober Life
I spent the year largely alone. It was exactly what I needed. I focused on myself, I did the hard work of introspection and healing, and learned so much about who I really am. I can finally say with conviction that I am 365 days alcohol-free. My kids, my family and my friends are proud. And now, it’s time for me to finally let go of the past and allow myself to feel proud, too.
A lot has changed for me. I don’t go out like I used to. My friends are still my friends, even though I no longer drink or party with them. I’ve replaced late nights with earlier bedtimes and earlier mornings. I’m actually a morning person now! I now cherish the quiet moments of watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee. I’ve rediscovered my love for reading and listening to audiobooks and podcasts. I’ve made exercise a regular part of my routine. I genuinely enjoy quiet evenings at home. I pray more and attend church more often, which has brought me more meaningful connections.
Lessons Learned and Gratitude
I’m also much more discerning about how I spend my time and no longer waste energy on unauthentic relationships. I no longer need validation. I actually protect my own boundaries now. This is the real me! If you don’t like the sober me, that’s perfectly alright. The people-pleaser in me no longer feels the need to be liked by everyone. I am enough for myself now!
This past year has taught me some invaluable lessons: Your kids and family will love you through almost anything. Alcohol provides a fleeting, artificial sense of happiness. Sitting with my emotions and allowing them to flow through me is infinitely easier than trying to numb them. Being sober has allowed me to question my thoughts. Alcohol causes and exacerbates depression and anxiety. Boredom isn’t a negative thing. I don’t miss the 3:33 am wake-up calls filled with crushing anxiety. I am enough! Gratitude has the power to transform your life. Give it to God. And connection is the antithesis of addiction. Most of all, I want to thank my brother. He held my hand through all the ups and downs this year, celebrating my wins and supporting me when I felt weak. He never let me stay down for too long.

Let’s Get This One Thing Straight
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not anti-alcohol. In fact, I am fully aware that I could drink as much as I want, whenever I want. I simply haven’t wanted to for 365 days. And I don’t want to today, and probably not tomorrow either. Many of my friends, family members, and even my kids still drink, and I am completely fine with it. It’s not some inherently evil substance that destroys everything unless you allow it to. I wish I could go back and tell myself this – You will be OK. Even if you have to hit a couple rock bottoms. Believe in yourself. Love yourself as much as you love others.
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